OMG What have I done?!?!?!

Recently I uploaded some pictures from my birthday party in March.  My first thought was, "I really like my new shirt!" Which was followed by a more 'surprising' thought, "but man do I look fat!"  Omg I did not just think that, but unfortunately as I peered at the photo a little more, I realized that it was true.  I had gained weight yet again.

Who's fault is this weight gain, well none other than yours truly, I mean I can't really blame anyone else, I ate the food, I stopped the exercise program, I did all that, no one else, so I am the one who is to blame.  Yup that was me.

I haven't stepped on a scale to see how much I weigh I really don't need the scale to be taunting me as well, I do a good enough job at that as it is already.  But it has definitely lit a fire under my ass, I mean I don't want to be the fat mom, I want to be the healthy has lot's of energy, and hey my mom looks good mom.  I don't expect to have changes over night, I know this is an arduous battle, I have been in this spot before, about 18 months ago actually, and I am here again, so now I know I need to make a change.

I am going to talk to my doctor about it at my next appointment, I mean the weight gain is a little surprising I didn't feel I was being that negligent on my eating habits, maybe a little, but not to this extreme.  So I want to rule out any medical reason for the weight gain, then I am going to "diet".  But not really diet, I am going to track my food intake and I will post weekly results here, to keep me on track.  I don't know who all reads this but I don't want to be eating crap and having you all judge me for it.  And I am going to exercise every day, so when I post my weekly food log, you will also see my weekly exercise log.  And my total earnings that I am going to reward myself with.

So the plan is this, for every day I am within 200 calories +/- my daily caloric intake of 1400 I get $2.  For every day that do at least 30 minutes of cardio exercise I get $1 and for every day that I do 30 minutes of strength toning exercises I get $1.  So I can potentially earn $4 a day.  This will go for 6 weeks.  At the end of 6 weeks we will check our progress and go from there.  This will start tomorrow so tomorrow I will measure and weigh myself then post the results here.  Not the weight, I will just post my % lost after on each weeks update.

Ok here we go 6 weeks to a new me!!!!

I am SO FRUSTRATED

I don't even know how to express the level and intensity of my frustration right now.  I admitted defeat last month for my 30 day challenge but that in no way meant that I was giving up on my goals to develop a healthier lifestyle.  I snacked a bit during the holidays but not in excess.  I ate a little more while I was on holiday but I also walked and moved around so much more.  So why is my scale mocking me??  It says that I haven't maintained my weight, I haven't lost anything, in fact I am heavier now then I have been since I was pregnant.  I have never been this weight. 

So two things could possibly explain this situation.  1. my scale is wrong, and so are the other scales I sat on during my holiday.  2. I have built muscle and I am at the point where I have gained muscle mass and very shortly I am going to have a huge weight loss as the fat starts falling off.

Ok so maybe two is a wishful thinking type thought, but it could be possible..... because I know that  I have not ate over 28000 extra calories over the last two weeks to have constituted this weight gain.  And that's 28000 extra calories over what I need to eat to burn off through the day.  So if I am not going to loss any weight and just gain the weight no matter what I do, why do I bother??  Well I bother because I have a goal, and I know I can reach it, I just have to get back onto a schedule so we will see what happens in a months time.